Mikey and have just finished watching season 1 and 2 of House with Hugh Laurie. What a delightful asshole! You gotta love this guy. He pisses you off and surprises you in ways that you never see coming. If you haven't seen it...SEE IT! Now we're off to see all of the seasons of Boston Legal...I love Shatner in this one!

Cat

So far 2006 hasn't been so hot. It started with the damn show which took up a good couple of months of our lives. But the year has had so many ups and downs. My son graduated high school which was an up. I am very proud of him. The down, he moved out. He's 18 and a very independant soul, so I knew he would. But it's been really hard on me. I love all my children, but a mother has a very special bond with her son, especially since he's the only one. He calls, he comes by, but it's still been very hard to let go of this particular child.

We've had a total of three car accidents. I totalled my Mercury. I don't hardly ever remember being IN an accident except for maybe one or two fender benders, so this totally jarred my world. Two weeks later, Alaina wrecked her car. It was a new car and the brakes went out. She didn't total it, but she didn't have it for a month either. Two weeks after she got it out of the shop, she had a fender bender. While I'm so very thankful that no one was hurt in any of these accidents, they still upset me.

We're still in the middle of lawsuit hell with our mortgage company. I fired my previous lawyer because, basically, he wasn't doing shit. When I got a copy of all my files from him I found out all sorts of things that he didn't tell me. Like the case was dismissed and repremanded to arbitration. I've hired a new lawyer that has not only dealt with the mortgage co. lawyers, but over this very thing. We offered a settlement and now they're trying to say we're part of another class action suit in California. We aren't. So it's all still going round and round. We're desperatly hoping this will all be over with soon. We've been dealing with it for over 3 years. We just want to move into a new house.

Work has gotten crazy. I do the websites for 4 of our stations and oversee the other 2. I still have a sales coordinator title, though most of my work is on the websites. Now the corporation has decided that we're putting all our websites with a new company...by the end of the year. This means a lot more work for me. I don't mind it, I love doing the sites, I'm just hoping that I'll be promoted to Webmaster soon.

I've started doing some web work on the site. I completed one site over the summer and have three or four more now looking for me to build something. This is good, but it does take a good bit of time.

On the horror front, I have something coming up that I'll be announcing next weekend and I'm really excited.

Ok, so if you actually sat through and read all of that, bless you.

Cat

I'm a reader, that's what I do. Folks ask me all the time why I don't write. I'll tell you why...I'm lazy. I started this live journal thing with the intention of writing in it every so often to see if I would be good at writing something on a regular basis, as most writers will advise you to do. Obviously, I failed. I haven't updated this thing since February. And even that wasn't writing. I do read others posts. I find them fascinating. But I suck at writing. I'm one of those people who get all gung ho at a project and about half way through I get bored, or lazy, and I quit. You wouldn't believe how many unfinished projects I have. Hell, my bathroom has been half painted for years!

Yes, yes I know...I can change this. But I seriously think it's a genetic defect. My son has it too. My parents don't have the "half assed gene" but I have an aunt who does. I'm trying something new, again. I've started back on my Sugarbusters diet and I'm going to a gym with a trainer. I need to do this for my health. Anyone wanna takes bets on how long it lasts? I know, folks will write back and say "YOU CAN'T DO IT WITH THAT ATTITUDE!" And I'm trying really, really hard not to have that attitude. I really want to do this, for now at least. I know I can carry through on some things. The Red Light District for example. I've run that board for over a year with no intentions of quitting. I love it. I love the people on it. I love doing the contests and the chats and all the rest of the stuff. So what makes RLD different from other things I've started? How did this one love overcome the "half assed gene?" This is one of the mysteries of life. My life at least.

So I'm back at the Live Journal thing. See I have these ideas rolling around in my head. So maybe...just maybe one day...I'll finish them.

Cat

Some random things from my life...

The daughter is moving out again....for a month or two. She's apartment sitting. While I'm thankful for a little peace and quiet, I miss her terribly. She's one of my best friends.

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Waiting on ABC TV. They found us a match for Wife Swap, and we're waiting on ABC TV to approve it. I've never had much patience for waiting!

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Message Board Wars - Why do some folks feel that it has to be US VS THEM when it comes to Message Boards? It's different strokes for different folks. Folks will find where they feel the most comfortable. I've just always believed in keeping peace. Stirring up shit just makes you dirty.

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I find that the older I get, the less patience I have. They will lock me away for Road Rage very soon. Because I'm going to stop my car on the highway and beat the shit out of someone. Plus, other people's children annoy me more. I used to love babies...and I will be thoroughly ecstatic to have grandchilden (not soon though), but sometimes other people's kids get on my nerves.

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I have the best hubby in the world. He's offered to give me a large sum of money from our savings to pay for the various conventions I want to go to this year. I know I'm heading to San Fransisco in May and Rhode Island in July. Hoping for Nashville in June and Baltimore in August, but we'll see. I love my hubby!

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I had the nicest gift ever this week. Everyone gets gifts at Christmas, but this week a couple of friends in Canada sent me a after-Christmas gift. A hand made blanket that is warm, soft, and large enough to cover me. Thank you Laurie and Erik Alkenbrack...you guys are the greatest and I love you madly!

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I know one of my resolutions was to keep all my body parts, but I wouldn't mind having my sinus cavaties removed. Sinus infections suck a big one.

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Working on getting the Red Light Chapbook out in the goody bags at WHC! Tom Moran is doing some beautiful artwork for them. This is soooo gonna rock!

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I am published! My first interview with Tim Lebbon shows up in Insidious Reflections magazine issue #5. You can get one here Shocklines . I was gentle with Tim...but I have an interview with Wrath James White in the next issue that will leave you panting. The guys at IR have asked me if I'd like to be a regular interviewer....which I would love. So if you're an author, beware...I'll be tapping you on the shoulder soon.

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My kids are the most frustrating and yet, the most wonderful things in the world.

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Who ever discovered you can make beans into coffee...is a GOD.

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The Red Light District has a chat with SIMON CLARK! The SIMON CLARK! Tomorrow at 4pm eastern standard time. The Red Light District Join us won't you?

Ok...that's enough for now....on with responding to the e-mails that I haven't responded to yet this week.

What Muppet Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Cat

Some how my message board, The Red Light District, got nominated for an award. So help a chick out would ya and go vote for us! You can vote here: http://www.critters.org/predpoll/writerforum.shtml

And THANKS!

Cat

You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Geez....My daughter wanted a purple sparkle pony for Christmas one year...she was about 3 or 4. I shopped all over town until I found one of the damned things. And believe it or not...she still has it.

Cat

You taste like a warm pie. Your homemade goodness
brings comfort to those around you. Your light
crust is a bit flaky, but thats what makes you
so loveable.


How do you taste?
brought to you by Quizilla


Right? Right? Say right dammit.

Cat

A friend recently asked me what I thought was beautiful. There are several definitions of beautiful:

Beauty
1 : the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit : LOVELINESS
2 : a beautiful person or thing; especially : a beautiful woman
3 : a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality
4 : a brilliant, extreme, or egregious example or instance
5 : a quantum characteristic that accounts for the existence and lifetime of the upsilon particle; also : a particle having this characteristic

Now I don't know about the fifth one...upsilon particle my ass. But I like the first one...qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.

Yeah...that's the one.

The old adage that beauty is in the eye of the beholder is so true. One may find beauty in a thunderstorm, but another may find terror. One may find beauty in a bumble bee, another may find themselves in pain.

What I find beautiful:
A sunset that makes me pull the car over and just stare.
Songs sung by Enya.
My brand new, still in the cellophane, hardbacked copy of Swan Song.
My children.
Watching someone reach out a hand to help another.
Watching someone with courage who musters through adversities.
A hot fudge sundae.
My cat as she goes to sleep on my chest.
The twinkle in Mikey's eye when he's getting frisky.
The roses I grow in the summer.
My corvette.

These are things that pleasure me in my mind and spirit. So therefore, they're beautiful. People can be beautiful. Johnny Depp pleasures me (don't I wish) not just because he's nice looking but because I like the whole package. He's something I can admire from afar. Owen Wilson pleasures me. Some may not find him beautiful because he's got that wierd nose thing going on. But I like what I see, from his personality to his blue eyes. I have friends who are beautiful. Not because I want to jump their bones, but because of who they are.

So yes, my friend, beauty is in the eye of the behold, but also in the mind, spirit and heart. And to me...you are beautiful.

Cat

Submit your own plea to Cthulhu!

Community:
1 : a unified body of individuals: as a : STATE, COMMONWEALTH b : the people with common interests living in a particular area; broadly : the area itself c : an interacting population of various kinds of individuals (as species) in a common location d : a group of people with a common characteristic or interest living together within a larger society e : a group linked by a common policy f : a body of persons or nations having a common history or common social, economic, and political interests g : a body of persons of common and especially professional interests scattered through a larger society
2 : society at large
3 a : joint ownership or participation b : common character : LIKENESS c : social activity : FELLOWSHIP d : a social state or condition

When did people lose sight of what the word COMMUNITY mean?

My daughter's 6th grade has to do a project by spending 8 hours helping on a COMMUNITY project. My two older children had to do this as well. I love working on these projects with my kids because I believe it helps them become better people when they can see that there are always people out there who need help. The two older ones worked at a nursing home. Alaina enjoyed that so much she ended up volunteering at the nursing home the entire next summer. She now has respect for old people (which is good since I will be one one day.) Alex also learned from his experience.

Katie didn't want to work in a nursing home. She wanted to work with animals. So we found a group here in Greenville called Concerned Citizens for Animals. They take in strays and abused animals and don't believe in killing them. They nurse them back to health and adopt them out. They're always looking for volunteers and donations for a very worthwhile cause. We had a great time today working with the animals, playing with them, feeding them. She learned how bad people can be by mistreating animals and learned how good it made her feel by helping.

This is a good project. So please tell me why over 50% of her schoolmates did their community project by helping their mom clean house? Or raking their grandmother's leaves? Where does this help the community? What this is, is that mom or dad doesn't give a shit, or is too lazy to help their child learn a valuable lesson. To take the opportunity to realize there's always someone who can use your help. And that pisses me off. These are the adults of tomorrow. The ones who will be our future officials, the ones that decide how the world works. And they aren't taught the basic fundementals of giving?

It's a sad world sometimes folks. Just makes me want to bust some parental heads.

Cat

I haven't written here in a while. Why? Self-incrimination perhaps. I read the wonderful essays from others and fear that what I write about myself or what I think is so non-important. I don't write, and though I have ideas in my head, I probably won't, at least not anytime soon. People ask me all the time why I'm not putting my words down on paper. I grew up with an extreme low self-esteem. It's easy to do when you have parents that constantly put you down. "You're ugly, you're stupid, you'll never amount to anything." That sort of thing becomes ingrained on who you are and what you do. I'm not looking for pity. Over the years of my growing up, I've come to terms with what I am, and what I'm not. It's been an up hill battle. And though I'm sooo much better today than I was 20 years ago, I still have a ways to go to the top of that mountain.

I've learned to accept myself as I am. To not care what others think of me, or so I delude myself into believing. I know I'm not pretty, this is the face I was born with, I can't change it. Oh I could do plastic surgery, but having been through many surgeries, I'm not willing to go into that for the looks. It's just not that big of deal to me anymore. I know I'm not intelligent. No matter how many books I read, or what is taught to me, my brain has only a certain capacity. That's the way it is. So I've come to accept who I am. I know that I have good points, I'm outgoing, I have common sense, I have a sharp wit, and I care about things, deeply.

Recently our family started into a project. A television show called "Wife Swap" on ABC TV. It started out innocently, as a joke really. We had the show on one night and my husband started making fun of the other husbands. They were wimps, pussies, not real men. I asked if he thought he could do better in that situation and he responded with an enthusiastic SURE! So as a joke I filled out an on-line application, thinking that nothing would ever come of it.

Until we got a phone call. A producer of ABC TV said they were interested in our family, could we do a telephone interview? After the telephone interview, she loved us and that led into our doing a video to send them. Well the director loved us and next thing you know they sent another producer from New York down to spend a day with us doing more taping. From everything they've told us, they love us, but they have to find a match for us. It doesn't matter how much they love us but if they can't find a family of opposites for us, then nothing will ever happen. So we're in the waiting process. If they find a match, our family, and all of it's sordid little secrets will be on national television for the whole country to see.

And this terrifies me. Oh yes, don't get me wrong, I'm excited as well. We will be compensated very well, and the entire family is excited to be doing this. But I'm the wife, so a lot of the focus will be on me. People will sit at home in their comfy living rooms doing exactly the same thing we do when we watch the show. They'll judge us. I can here the comments all ready, oh, she's fat, or she's ugly, or she's lazy. Now I have no fear of what they'll say about my family. I have a wonderful family, one that I'm very proud of. My family is good looking, smart, funny, and is comprised of good people.

But the little girl in me hears those comments I heard so many years before, "you're ugly, you're stupid, you haven't amounted to anything." I'll be back in the middle of the school yard with all the popular girls standing around taunting me. I fight this feeling on a regular basis. I'm happy with my life, I remind myself. I have a great husband who loves me beyond belief, I have wonderful children, I have a job I enjoy, I'm allowed to wallow in books that I love so much to the point of being able to expand that love and actually talk with and become friends with the people I most admire...authors. I shouldn't care what others think, because it's what my family and I think that's important. It's an inner turmoil I fight on a daily basis. I know my faults, I am lazy, I should exercise more, but I hate exercise so I don't. I should be a better housekeeper, but I'm not. I shouldn't smoke, but I do. And all these people out there will be looking at all of this and making comments. That's the shows intention, to put real life out there for criticism. The shows intention if for people to be able to step into another world and see what they can change about themselves. How they can be more effective to themselves and their families. Will doing this show change me? Probably. Will it change my family? Maybe. But it's not the change that scares me. It's the being in the spotlight for all to judge.

I used to do community theater. I was pretty good at it. It was the chance to be someone else for a while. To step into another character and show the world that other character. But to have to step up and show the world the real me. That's more scary than any opening night jitters I used to get. Should I care what the local couch potato thinks of me while he watches the show? No I shouldn't. I think, would he or she have the guts to get on the show and spill his heart and soul to strangers. I doubt it. But that's something I developed over the years, guts. To lay myself on the line when the need arises. To stand up to the boss, my mother, the bully, to shout out what I believe in. And I believe in my family. So this is a way for me to shout out, "THIS IS MY FAMILY, THIS IS WHO WE ARE, AND I BELIEVE IN THEM, I HELPED CREATE THEM, AND I'M PROUD OF THEM." So people ask me why I want to do this show. Yeah, the compensation is nice, and will be appreciated, but it's also a chance to show that I have accomplished something over the years. I've built a family, I've dealt with my personal demons and learned how to corral them. And I may not be where I want to be in the end, I've come a long way from the terrified, low self-esteemed little girl that I was.

And IF they find us a match, and we get to do this show, then I hope that I learn something from it. That it helps me quiet that little girl voice in my head once and for all. But I doubt it, she sure can be an annoying little bitch sometimes.

Cat

I love October. I really do! It's the month of my birth, my anniversary, the beginning of fall, and Halloween. But this month has really been horrific...both good and bad. There's been the whole job thing, the house lawsuit thing, looking for a new house and seeing if we can get a mortgage, my birthday, and the Wife Swap thing.

But I'm going to end the month in a delicious mode...celebrating.

Tomorrow, yes on Halloween, marks my 25th wedding anniversary. Not only do I appreciate the fact that people reaching this milestone are becoming rarer every day, I appreciate the fact that Mikey and I haven't killed each other over the years.

We've been through it all, or at least it feels that way. We've seen our share of problems with financial woe (and still are), infidelity, children, natural disasters, family problems and deaths, medical problems, job problems and even brushes with the law. Yet, I can still look at this man who has spent the last 25 years with me with love, respect, awe, a certain horniness, curiosity, and a general warm feeling. He holds me at night as we drift off into the land of nod and I try to imagine what it would be like sleeping in the bed alone, and I just can't do it. He took me to Steak and Shake for my birthday, and while many of you may not see this as romantic, it's the place where we had our first date. And as I sat across from him at that table I could see the 27 year old man who was wooing me on our first date.

Yeah, there are times he drives me crazy, but he's my best friend. He's listened to me bitch, supported me through the storms and the calms, given me advice, held me when I cried, constantly makes me laugh, still keeps the bedroom fires burning and can still make me think.

25 years ago I was 18, and I married a man who was 10 years my senior after only dating for five months. Now I can look back and see that I probably wasn't thinking very clearly. Was I madly in love? No, I wasn't, but over the years and through all the trials and tribulations something wonderful happened, I fell in love. Deeply in love.

There it is...my dark and dirty secret. I love my husband.

So tomorrow we will head for the mountains of North Carolina for a couple of days to play a little golf, get some hot sex in, relax, read, watch movies late into the night, see the colors of the mountains, eat out, drink a little and just enjoy being together.

Here's to another 25 years....I love you Mikey.

She's more than just some lady on tv pushing toilet paper. She's what guides us. She's the one thing we have no control over. She's a bitch who gives us blizzards, and tornados, and unfortunately, lately, massive hurricanes. But Mother Nature is a healer as well.

I've had a rough week. I was seriously depressed after leaving work on Friday. I woke up Saturday in a rotten mood. But a good friend of mine was doing a reading in Asheville and I really wanted to be there for him. The weather over the latter part of the week really sucked. Lots and lots of rain. But Saturday dawned with a beautiful glow about it announcing the last days before fall truely set in with cold winds and more rain. The sun was bright, the breeze a touch chiller and big puffy clouds floated across the sky. Asheville is about an hour drive north for me, so I took the opportunity to pull out the corvette and take the top off. So here I am cruising through the beautiful mountains of North Carolina. Alice Cooper is crooning to me from the speakers in the back and my hair is flying about and the sun is warming my face. I was at peace. I let my mind wander and enjoyed the scenery, including the wild flowers that grow along the highway, the honks of truckers (and it's nice to know I still get some), the cool breeze and the great music. The return trip was just as satisfying. By the time I rolled into the driveway I felt as if I had been rejuvanated.

Mother Nature is a force to be reckoned with. But she also can be the best thing to happen to ones state of mind. How I enjoy walking along her beaches, listening to the waves crash in and feeling the sand between my toes. I love how she's built the majesty of the forests with the quiet trees giving shade to the creatures they share their earth with. I love the drive through the mountains, awed at how the sun glides down over them with brilliant colors. I love waking up and listening to the birds sing outside my window. I'm thankful for the gift of sight to enjoy all the colors and textures and for the gift of hearing so as to enjoy the songs nature sings.

Yeah, so it's a little mushy....but everyone needs to take a moment and smell the roses. You will feel better, live happier and appreciate greatness more.

Cat